People who follow or might want to follow.
I have a new blog, but it's private. If you'd like to follow, please let me know by sending a quick email, and I will definitely add you to my "allowed" list. :o)
I will be completely eliminating this blog next Friday, February 24!!
Thanks for a great time.
Best,
Shells
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Eighty-fourth
Blah blah blah. Last week was a tough one on all sorts of levels. I'm not feeling any better now, except for the sun is out and that makes me happy. So does the fact that I can run outside in it. I like the idea of blogging, but I don't think it is quite for me. If this disappears, that would be the reason why. :o)
I think it's because I started this with no real intention. Now I'm half anonymous, half not, I don't feel like fully disclosing everything that's going on because I have to think about my career, then again, I'm definitely not lying at all, and refuse to do so, and it's been great "meeting" people and seeing what all lies out there in blog-land. The number of recipes I have tried and would like to try is huge. The inspiration I have to live life to the fullest is huge. I, however, do not feel like I am being a good contributor to the blog world. There are so many things I would love to just throw out there, all completely disconnected from afar, but totally intertwined to make up my life. To me, it seems like disclosing the intertwining of it all would really take my anonymity away, as anyone who knows me personally would be able to put the pieces together relatively easily.
Maybe I'm so weirded-out by all this because I prefer to keep things disconnected and compartmentalized as much as possible in my life? Haha. That is something to think about.
We'll see, I suppose. Feel free to email the blog email, shellsintheocean@gmail.com, or my personal email if you have it. Input/observations/suggestions welcome!!
I think it's because I started this with no real intention. Now I'm half anonymous, half not, I don't feel like fully disclosing everything that's going on because I have to think about my career, then again, I'm definitely not lying at all, and refuse to do so, and it's been great "meeting" people and seeing what all lies out there in blog-land. The number of recipes I have tried and would like to try is huge. The inspiration I have to live life to the fullest is huge. I, however, do not feel like I am being a good contributor to the blog world. There are so many things I would love to just throw out there, all completely disconnected from afar, but totally intertwined to make up my life. To me, it seems like disclosing the intertwining of it all would really take my anonymity away, as anyone who knows me personally would be able to put the pieces together relatively easily.
Maybe I'm so weirded-out by all this because I prefer to keep things disconnected and compartmentalized as much as possible in my life? Haha. That is something to think about.
We'll see, I suppose. Feel free to email the blog email, shellsintheocean@gmail.com, or my personal email if you have it. Input/observations/suggestions welcome!!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Eighty-third
On the past weekend...
I slept in both Saturday and Sunday. That means I skipped church on Sunday. But I needed sleep. I got my workouts in, mostly. I kinda ate "normally." I went to the opera on Saturday night, which was beautiful, but very long even for opera standards. We didn't go out afterward due to the length of the opera and the fact we were all exhausted by then (it was a very emotionally taxing story, too), although I was willing, had there been interest. I love the opera. Overall, the weekend was halfway a success.
One of the things I did not do was go to lab. I'd really like to get to the place where I enjoy coming into work/lab on the weekends again. I think I burnt out on this a couple years ago, and honestly, I miss enjoying it. The weekends in lab are quiet and peaceful. It's like no matter what I end up doing, I'm getting ahead, because I'm working on the weekend and no one else (that I can usually see) is. All the equipment is available at my beck and call. I can sing out loud (although the presence of people doesn't usually stop me). I can make big messes. I can clean up and organize anything I want.
This is not easy to admit, but I think I resent lab. The reason? It requires me to take care of it with zero credit, and taking care of the lab takes time and energy away from my own research. It's true. I don't know how to describe this with an analogy. I have so much to do to take care of the lab as a whole that I can't even take care of my project. And because I can't take care of my research to my satisfaction, I really get annoyed by both my "half-assed" (but not really) research and the lab maintenance work that takes away from jumping into my work "whole-assed." Let's face it, doing experiments late at night while tired and annoyed by taking care of everything else in the lab all day is exhausting and does not bode well for successfully completed work. Please keep in mind that my experiments get asked about by my advisor just as much as whether this-or-that lab chore has been taken care of. For realsies.
I tried for years to keep a positive attitude and retain my optimistic outlook. But I've given up. It's impossible to maintain, and in the end I feel worse because I don't feel real. I mean, I'm still an optimist, I can't help that. I can't fake my enthusiasm and enjoyment for my lab, and my project anymore. It takes too much effort. I think it contributes to my amazing ability to suppress my emotions, which really inhibits my ability to feel truly connected to people. People! I love the people! I really do, and I always feel guilty for having issues relaxing without thinking about work or getting caught up in a tizzy about it in some way. That doesn't make me any happier, naturally. It's a vicious spiral of yuck.
I realize that I am only one who can get me through this whole PhD process. There's no one helping me, literally. Just like I manage the lab, I have to manage my project and my degree progress. What I need to do is re-prioritize and not feel guilty about taking care of my degree first, the whole lab second. Don't tell me to change my attitude or "choose a different outlook," tell me to suck it up and make it happier for me. Make the change. Be the change you wish to see in the lab. Isn't that, like, a famous quote by Ghandi or something? Hahahahah.
I slept in both Saturday and Sunday. That means I skipped church on Sunday. But I needed sleep. I got my workouts in, mostly. I kinda ate "normally." I went to the opera on Saturday night, which was beautiful, but very long even for opera standards. We didn't go out afterward due to the length of the opera and the fact we were all exhausted by then (it was a very emotionally taxing story, too), although I was willing, had there been interest. I love the opera. Overall, the weekend was halfway a success.
One of the things I did not do was go to lab. I'd really like to get to the place where I enjoy coming into work/lab on the weekends again. I think I burnt out on this a couple years ago, and honestly, I miss enjoying it. The weekends in lab are quiet and peaceful. It's like no matter what I end up doing, I'm getting ahead, because I'm working on the weekend and no one else (that I can usually see) is. All the equipment is available at my beck and call. I can sing out loud (although the presence of people doesn't usually stop me). I can make big messes. I can clean up and organize anything I want.
This is not easy to admit, but I think I resent lab. The reason? It requires me to take care of it with zero credit, and taking care of the lab takes time and energy away from my own research. It's true. I don't know how to describe this with an analogy. I have so much to do to take care of the lab as a whole that I can't even take care of my project. And because I can't take care of my research to my satisfaction, I really get annoyed by both my "half-assed" (but not really) research and the lab maintenance work that takes away from jumping into my work "whole-assed." Let's face it, doing experiments late at night while tired and annoyed by taking care of everything else in the lab all day is exhausting and does not bode well for successfully completed work. Please keep in mind that my experiments get asked about by my advisor just as much as whether this-or-that lab chore has been taken care of. For realsies.
I tried for years to keep a positive attitude and retain my optimistic outlook. But I've given up. It's impossible to maintain, and in the end I feel worse because I don't feel real. I mean, I'm still an optimist, I can't help that. I can't fake my enthusiasm and enjoyment for my lab, and my project anymore. It takes too much effort. I think it contributes to my amazing ability to suppress my emotions, which really inhibits my ability to feel truly connected to people. People! I love the people! I really do, and I always feel guilty for having issues relaxing without thinking about work or getting caught up in a tizzy about it in some way. That doesn't make me any happier, naturally. It's a vicious spiral of yuck.
I realize that I am only one who can get me through this whole PhD process. There's no one helping me, literally. Just like I manage the lab, I have to manage my project and my degree progress. What I need to do is re-prioritize and not feel guilty about taking care of my degree first, the whole lab second. Don't tell me to change my attitude or "choose a different outlook," tell me to suck it up and make it happier for me. Make the change. Be the change you wish to see in the lab. Isn't that, like, a famous quote by Ghandi or something? Hahahahah.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Eighty-second
This weekend, my goals are simple.
Dryland exercises
Foam roller
Journal (and crayon)
Prep veggies for cooking
In bed by 11 pm
Grocery shop
Lab
Run 4.5 miles
Bike 30 minutes
Eat "normally"
Journal (and crayon)
Go to the opera
Be open to going out on the town afterwards
Swim 3000 yd
Elliptical 60 min
Eat "normally"
Lab
Journal (and crayon)
Yoga
In bed by 11 pm
I am exhausted, running on empty mentally and sometimes physically, and I just need a wee-tiny break to get comfortable and rejeuvenate myself.
I had my last physical therapy session today and she did Graston all up and down my leg. Now there is a lovely bruise on my ham-ass. You know, where your hammies meets your glutes, but neither of those places specifically. Just where they join. It's a sure bet to scare all the people at the pool!!
Friday
Errands on east side of town Dryland exercises
Foam roller
Journal (and crayon)
Prep veggies for cooking
In bed by 11 pm
Saturday
Sleep in as long as I needGrocery shop
Lab
Run 4.5 miles
Bike 30 minutes
Eat "normally"
Journal (and crayon)
Go to the opera
Be open to going out on the town afterwards
Sunday
Go to churchSwim 3000 yd
Elliptical 60 min
Eat "normally"
Lab
Journal (and crayon)
Yoga
In bed by 11 pm
I am exhausted, running on empty mentally and sometimes physically, and I just need a wee-tiny break to get comfortable and rejeuvenate myself.
I had my last physical therapy session today and she did Graston all up and down my leg. Now there is a lovely bruise on my ham-ass. You know, where your hammies meets your glutes, but neither of those places specifically. Just where they join. It's a sure bet to scare all the people at the pool!!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Eighty-first
I can run twice a week for ~30 minutes per run. Today I just went 4 miles outside. I am pretty sure I was high on life.
The colder weather makes me run faster, period. Coupled to the whole new form = fast form running I'm doing these days and I was pretty dang winded by the end. But I couldn't slow down. In fact, when I got tired and tried to let myself slow down and relax, I ended up going faster. I have no idea what's going on, but I'm going to go with it. Let the run unfold as is may. In the "long run" (hahahahah), I just need to get the distance in so I can do my half-marathons in April and May. April will be slow and cozy. May I will try to race. I am comfortable with my 4 miles per run now, and will hopefully start adding the third day in next week, but it depends on my ability to get rid of the muscle sore completely between each run. I don't plan to run any more than three days per week for a while so I can focus on getting prepped for the summer triathlon season.
Today I ran in my orthotics, but new shoes. It wasn't terrible. I was actually surprised. I am interested to see how I feel tomorrow morning. I have been on the foam roller every night for the past two nights and plan to keep it up, especially while I try to rebuild the strength in my lower legs. I have been focusing during the run on really keeping my core activated and my glutes firing. I do this by focusing on a quick, light footstrike and kicking my feet up to a 90 deg bend for the pull through. This keeps my hips in much better alignment and when that happens, everything is a little happier all the way down to my feet.
I have been pretty tired the past couple weeks. I know this has a lot to do with improper fueling. Even when I'm not running, I still have about an hours worth of activity 6 days per week. I'm meeting with my dietitian tomorrow and hopefully she'll knock some sense back into me. Sometimes it just helps hearing it from an outside perspective, you know?
There's a lot of work I could be doing nutritionally to help my body heal and recover from my running injuries, but I'm having trouble using that as solid motivation. I think it's because I still have a hard time seeing myself as an athlete and a scientist, with a balance between them both making up ME.
The colder weather makes me run faster, period. Coupled to the whole new form = fast form running I'm doing these days and I was pretty dang winded by the end. But I couldn't slow down. In fact, when I got tired and tried to let myself slow down and relax, I ended up going faster. I have no idea what's going on, but I'm going to go with it. Let the run unfold as is may. In the "long run" (hahahahah), I just need to get the distance in so I can do my half-marathons in April and May. April will be slow and cozy. May I will try to race. I am comfortable with my 4 miles per run now, and will hopefully start adding the third day in next week, but it depends on my ability to get rid of the muscle sore completely between each run. I don't plan to run any more than three days per week for a while so I can focus on getting prepped for the summer triathlon season.
Today I ran in my orthotics, but new shoes. It wasn't terrible. I was actually surprised. I am interested to see how I feel tomorrow morning. I have been on the foam roller every night for the past two nights and plan to keep it up, especially while I try to rebuild the strength in my lower legs. I have been focusing during the run on really keeping my core activated and my glutes firing. I do this by focusing on a quick, light footstrike and kicking my feet up to a 90 deg bend for the pull through. This keeps my hips in much better alignment and when that happens, everything is a little happier all the way down to my feet.
I have been pretty tired the past couple weeks. I know this has a lot to do with improper fueling. Even when I'm not running, I still have about an hours worth of activity 6 days per week. I'm meeting with my dietitian tomorrow and hopefully she'll knock some sense back into me. Sometimes it just helps hearing it from an outside perspective, you know?
There's a lot of work I could be doing nutritionally to help my body heal and recover from my running injuries, but I'm having trouble using that as solid motivation. I think it's because I still have a hard time seeing myself as an athlete and a scientist, with a balance between them both making up ME.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Eightieth
If anyone out there reading happens across this blog and has had neutral or negative experiences with orthotics and running, please share!?! I am beginning to think that mine are more of a hindrance. Especially as I'm breaking back into running once again.
It doesn't help that I swear they must be made of lead or some other heavy metal. Not wearing orthotics is like swimming a meet all tapered in a Fastskin. UNSTOPPABLE!!
The weather has turned around significantly this week and it is killing me being inside on the elliptical or treadmill! Blargh! Sooooo lovely outside. I cannot wait until I am pain free. Nagging Achilles soreness from the last two runs. Not all the time, and definitely the result of just running (not walking or everyday stuff). I can confidently say the everyday funk is gone! It's a matter of translating my new strength and form into the run that I am working on. Note to self: Ponder and blog about empty-mind or mind-emptying running vs. thinking-about-running running.
To correct my form while running, I have decreased dryland physical therapy and Graston to 1 x per week, and added a day of aquatic therapy. I secretly think this is so the physical therapist can Graston me that much worse on the other days without having to wait for the bruises to heal.
Underwater treadmill? Hilarity ensues. I honestly don't know what the aquatic therapy staff must be thinking with a retired swimmer, turned runner, but swimmer-for-life (don't tell) tries to do something in the pool besides swim. I was weirded out when I didn't bring my swim cap and goggles out on the pool deck. It had nothing to do with the water, me being in a swimsuit, getting my face/hair/ears wet. I was more weirded out not getting my face wet!
I feel like all I've been blogging about these past few weeks/months has been my recovery from injury this past fall. I have much more to me than that, I'm not totally ready to spill everything here. I'm not 100% anonymous here, and I'm cool with that, I also don't particularly like feeling vulnerable and there's a lot in my life that I'm not particularly happy with at the moment...
Round 2 of aqua-therapy tomorrow. Ninety-two degree F water? Yes, please. Get a cardiovascular workout? Sweat buckets, but I'll take it! Cannonballs? Probably not allowed. Definitely NO DIVING.
It doesn't help that I swear they must be made of lead or some other heavy metal. Not wearing orthotics is like swimming a meet all tapered in a Fastskin. UNSTOPPABLE!!
The weather has turned around significantly this week and it is killing me being inside on the elliptical or treadmill! Blargh! Sooooo lovely outside. I cannot wait until I am pain free. Nagging Achilles soreness from the last two runs. Not all the time, and definitely the result of just running (not walking or everyday stuff). I can confidently say the everyday funk is gone! It's a matter of translating my new strength and form into the run that I am working on. Note to self: Ponder and blog about empty-mind or mind-emptying running vs. thinking-about-running running.
To correct my form while running, I have decreased dryland physical therapy and Graston to 1 x per week, and added a day of aquatic therapy. I secretly think this is so the physical therapist can Graston me that much worse on the other days without having to wait for the bruises to heal.
Underwater treadmill? Hilarity ensues. I honestly don't know what the aquatic therapy staff must be thinking with a retired swimmer, turned runner, but swimmer-for-life (don't tell) tries to do something in the pool besides swim. I was weirded out when I didn't bring my swim cap and goggles out on the pool deck. It had nothing to do with the water, me being in a swimsuit, getting my face/hair/ears wet. I was more weirded out not getting my face wet!
I feel like all I've been blogging about these past few weeks/months has been my recovery from injury this past fall. I have much more to me than that, I'm not totally ready to spill everything here. I'm not 100% anonymous here, and I'm cool with that, I also don't particularly like feeling vulnerable and there's a lot in my life that I'm not particularly happy with at the moment...
Round 2 of aqua-therapy tomorrow. Ninety-two degree F water? Yes, please. Get a cardiovascular workout? Sweat buckets, but I'll take it! Cannonballs? Probably not allowed. Definitely NO DIVING.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Seventy-ninth
My hair stylist said it best on Saturday when I answered that I was ready to cut it however she thought best, as long as I could reasonably manage a ponytail: "You've got the February Funk! You want a change, anything, as long as it's different and new-to-you."
How brilliant. How true. At least the weather is looking up this week! I am resting my leg from running until aquatic therapy on Thursday. I got in 2.7 mi yesterday outside (!!!) but my soleus was screaming at me! It's tired, the poor dear. Not bad hurt, just the hurt that reminds me I'm human and haven't done this running thing in a while, much less with new form that uses "new" muscles makes my slow pace much faster than it's been!
Can't wait to race, but it's depressing how I can't fully train yet, and how everyone else I know seems to be getting to! Grumble grumble grumble.
Happy Valentine's Day! I'm celebrating next weekend with the girls. I start with a 90 minute massage, and then we meet up for pedicures, movies, pizza, bubbly drinks, and chocolate. Challenging to the mind? You betcha. Worth it? You definitely betcha. I'm counting on the massage zen to carry me through the evening, allowing me to enjoy my the company of my friends and their doggies and the tasty food.
How brilliant. How true. At least the weather is looking up this week! I am resting my leg from running until aquatic therapy on Thursday. I got in 2.7 mi yesterday outside (!!!) but my soleus was screaming at me! It's tired, the poor dear. Not bad hurt, just the hurt that reminds me I'm human and haven't done this running thing in a while, much less with new form that uses "new" muscles makes my slow pace much faster than it's been!
Can't wait to race, but it's depressing how I can't fully train yet, and how everyone else I know seems to be getting to! Grumble grumble grumble.
Happy Valentine's Day! I'm celebrating next weekend with the girls. I start with a 90 minute massage, and then we meet up for pedicures, movies, pizza, bubbly drinks, and chocolate. Challenging to the mind? You betcha. Worth it? You definitely betcha. I'm counting on the massage zen to carry me through the evening, allowing me to enjoy my the company of my friends and their doggies and the tasty food.
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